Hehehehehehe

hot guy:

*sneezes*

me:

i would say god bless you

me:

but it seems like he already did

Posted on June 3, 2013 via va te faire foutre with 97,007 notes

Source: leehyum

motherfuckerwithleaves:

boaz-priestly:

brokenzieisballer:

onlyfoolsandvikings:

Motivational cows for you if you are feeling down.

My mom pissed herself laughing.

I think you mean Moo-tivational cows

« I LOVE BEING MOO-TIVATED, I LOVE BEING MOO-TIVATED ! »

Posted on June 3, 2013 via Only Fools And Vikings with 33,901 notes

Source: onlyfoolsandvikings

(I’m running errands for my pregnant wife. While walking to a nearby store, I see two teenagers harassing a child that is only four or five years old. I shoo them away from the boy, and he introduces himself.)

Me:

“So, where’s your mom at?”

Boy:

“She’s in the store. Do you have kids?”

Me:

“Not yet. We’re expecting a baby girl soon, though.”

Boy:

“Well, she’s going to turn out nice, like you! So, I’m going to marry her someday!”

(I laugh, and play along while I bring him to the service desk, and wait until his mom picks him up. Six years later, my daughter comes home from school and introduces us to a friend that defended her against a bully on the playground. I didn’t recognize him, but he certainly knew who I was!)

Posted on May 25, 2013 via Writings, Rants, and Random Ramblings with 89,796 notes

Source: notalwaysromantic.com